[ Emma will go for the compromise; it always and never works. She still manages a smile in spite of the current topic of conversation, shaking her head at a joke that's so terribly not funny that it actually makes things a little better instead of worse.
It's his timing. He always throws one in when she's least expecting it.]
No, I wasn't raised by wolves. I was raised by the foster system. [It's a fact of life at this point. Her smile fades instantly, but that's only appropriate, right? These experiences have weighed on them. Neither of them escaped their childhood unscathed.] I had a family for a little while, when I was a baby. They sent me back when I was three to make room for their own kid - some miracle child.
[She doesn't remember the details, just names and faces, and the feeling of being wanted until suddenly she wasn't. The information's all in one neat little folder, she knows how to fill in the blanks, but knowing why doesn't make her feel any better about being discarded by people she cared about.] And then about a decade later things were going good, and I had this friend who was ... complicated, and stirred up some trouble with another family I'd gotten attached to. That was family number two.
[ There's another person who she should remember, yet the idea of a third missed opportunity doesn't trigger any memories. No name, no face, nothing for her to connect to.] After a while I realized that no one was coming for me; that no one wanted me. I stopped letting myself miss what I didn't have and started learning how to protect myself, because I knew no one else was going to do it for me.
[Graham was violent, she was a thief. She somehow doubts she gets extra credit for stealing stuff instead of threatening people. It's not much of a story if Emma stops there, so just shrugs off the memories that rush back too easily - the ones that say she still isn't enough.]
Eventually Henry showed up at my door and dragged me to Storybrooke. And then Mary Margaret gave me a place to stay, and you offered me a job. I wasn't used to people reaching out, but I didn't know how to turn away from it, either. I didn't want to go back to being on my own.
( he doesn't actually know her history, not really. he'd seen the smear campaign Regina had painted over the front page of the paper, of course; everyone in Storybrooke had the basic facts. orphaned and incarcerated. there's more to a person than their past, though, and apparently even cursed he'd believed there was more to Emma than what a sealed record could tell.
he's quiet as he listens, not looking her in the eye but focused on her words. the idea of not being wanted isn't so foreign to him, because he'd felt it before. in the midst of villagers when he tried to buy bread or have a drink or even find shelter, he'd never been particularly wanted by anything that walked on two legs. it hadn't bothered him as much as it could have when he had a pack of warm fur and cold noses to go back to that wanted him desperately, but that didn't much ease the sting of being turned away or sneered at. he can't imagine what it must have been like to have a family give her up, he was too young when he'd lost his, he doesn't even remember what having one had been like. he'd seen how it affected her, though, she carried it as obviously as the red leather jacket.
and he knows that when she'd taken the badge from him, she'd been toeing the line of letting herself be a part of something. she was, he could see it, he could tell, even if he hadn't gotten to be there when it happened. her hand is not so far away from his, and while he does tend to be cautious about touching people, it doesn't seem so terrible to reach out. wrapping his hand over hers, even for a moment. a reminder that she's not alone here, either, even if it's everything she's afraid of.
temporary. )
I'm sorry. ( it's a lacking word, but he's got to say it, even if it can't fill the gaps or soothe the sorrow. pack is his word for family, and he really and truly is glad that Emma has hers again, even if her past still complicates things. feeling unwanted stays with you, it'd made him angry instead of distant. he's glad that she's starting to learn differently without the extremes he'd needed. ) I know it's not easy, but remember you're not a lone wolf here, either. Who I used to be doesn't change how I feel about you now.
( and surely Emma can tell Graham is very much on the opposite side of the spectrum from the angry young man she'd met. he cares about her a great deal, probably more than she even knows. )
[ Let's not overlook the sealed record; a sealed record says a lot. It points to someone desperate, someone alone. No support system, no honest way of getting by on her own.
Emma used to have a friend who thought being a runaway was some big adventure, but it was never anything like that. It was scary for dozens of reasons, and upsetting for a few hundred more. Regina used to like to argue that her past was an indicator of who she is now, and no matter how much she changes, she still walks with the shadow of someone who's too afraid to hope for permanence.
She turns her hand over, lets their fingers lace together. It's not asking or expecting anything of him. Count the number of times they've touched under normal circumstances and she could probably fit them on one hand. It's not normal to be abandoned, they both learned that sooner than they would have liked to, but it's a part of their past. She can understand why he's so at home with animals, they took care of him when no one else would. That kind of connection must be powerful, but Emma's never felt it.]
Don't be. [Sorry, because that's not why she told him. People have felt sorry for her for as long as she can remember, she doesn't want to lump him with that. It's not until he continues that she can breathe again, the pad of her thumb stroking across his knuckle in a quiet gesture of gratitude. Wasn't she supposed to be the one making him feel better about this? He's the one carrying guilt for who he was, and that was never her intention in the first place.]
Are you inviting me into your wolfpack? [ She smiles playfully for a moment, then lets that comment settle into something a little more serious.] Good, because I like who you are now.
[She can handle rejection at the hands of his younger self. It's who he's become that she'd like to keep in her life.]
( wishing she hadn't suffered isn't the same as pitying her. of course he'd rather she not have been left on her lonesome and left to accumulate such painful scars; that doesn't mean he sees her as less for having survived them. quite the contrary, actually. he's always thought she was stronger than her past implied, knowing more of the picture doesn't change his mind about that.
he smiles a little at the returned gesture, one that he actually feels instead of just a instinctive reaction he's hardly mindful of. he's glad that things between them haven't changed too drastically from where they'd been before. he was afraid of that, and perhaps he shouldn't have been. he would not make that mistake twice. )
Something like that, only I won't expect you to sleep in a pile or let my brother clean behind your ears. ( some parts of the pack weren't as enjoyable as others, honestly... though Graham is still fond of sleeping in a pile, actually. kinda sucks that his brother occasionally absconds to pile with Sunny instead!!! whatever happened to bros before hoes, man... brutal.
as for the compliment, the last she'd given him he knew little what to do with, and this one seems no different. he breathes a laugh, shaking his head. it's definitely a pace late when he answers with a limited, ) I'm glad. ( he'd prefer Emma like him over not, certainly. he just can't manage to actually like himself enough that the compliment makes any sense. he can't fathom being dreamy, and even worse, he can't quite understand why she likes him, either; especially knowing more about him over less. that's a heavy thought, and one that stays caged in his head. he'd rather she not change her mind, even if it's rather selfish of him. he squeezes her palm, a goodbye of sorts, if she can read the communication without any words. surely he's taken up enough of her time as it is. )
[ Sometimes Sunny and Brother are a wolf pile all their own. Emma is well aware and only vaguely offended by it - without thirty plus years of animal companionship, she never expected her wolf to hang with her when there was an animal like her around. It's why she asked for Sunny in the first place; so that Graham and Brother don't have to be lone wolves here. The idea of her being one never really factored in, probably because it's what she's used to.]
Hey, the pile has its perks. [ He never has to worry about getting cold or needing a blanket. The one time Brother dragged them into a pile, it wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to her. While Graham seems to expect that she would be uncomfortable with the routines he's established, Emma finds it easier to be a part of them than he tends to realize. It's how easily they work together that creeps up on her sometimes, when she's aware their differences could be more of an obstacle.
She nods, letting him stand before he does so that she can follow him to the door. Somehow she has a feeling that she isn't the only one he needs to see on his apology tour, and she won't keep him from that. They don't get a lot of downtime with this organization, he probably needs to take this as an opportunity to catch up while he still has one.]
I'll see you later. [ A promise, even without any agreed upon plans. If she doesn't seek him out and he doesn't seek her out, they still have two wolves who are impressively skilled in their persistence.]
The pile isn't so bad. I'm doing you a favor on the ear washing. ( wolf tongues are great on a coat of fur, not so much on sensitive human skin. Brother has learned to focus his desire to help groom on Sunny instead, which is likely for the best. the huntsman can keep up his own hygiene.
it's true, and she's not. unfortunately it seemed the Huntsman had managed to ruffle quite a few feathers, and it was forcing the man he'd become to answer questions he hadn't anticipated answering. perhaps it wasn't a bad thing, to stop zealously holding his past to himself. like it or not, it was a part of him, and if he'd been honest about it? he might not have so many apologies to make. )
I'll see you later. ( it's an agreement, and he likes the reality of it. for however long yet that it will last. he's glad that Emma is here with him, though he knows that's a rather selfish thing to feel. it's not permanent, he knows that, but the idea that they still have time is still a reassuring one. he manages a glimmer of a smile before he slips away, off to the next person that got on the wrong side of his past. )
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It's his timing. He always throws one in when she's least expecting it.]
No, I wasn't raised by wolves. I was raised by the foster system. [It's a fact of life at this point. Her smile fades instantly, but that's only appropriate, right? These experiences have weighed on them. Neither of them escaped their childhood unscathed.] I had a family for a little while, when I was a baby. They sent me back when I was three to make room for their own kid - some miracle child.
[She doesn't remember the details, just names and faces, and the feeling of being wanted until suddenly she wasn't. The information's all in one neat little folder, she knows how to fill in the blanks, but knowing why doesn't make her feel any better about being discarded by people she cared about.] And then about a decade later things were going good, and I had this friend who was ... complicated, and stirred up some trouble with another family I'd gotten attached to. That was family number two.
[ There's another person who she should remember, yet the idea of a third missed opportunity doesn't trigger any memories. No name, no face, nothing for her to connect to.] After a while I realized that no one was coming for me; that no one wanted me. I stopped letting myself miss what I didn't have and started learning how to protect myself, because I knew no one else was going to do it for me.
[Graham was violent, she was a thief. She somehow doubts she gets extra credit for stealing stuff instead of threatening people. It's not much of a story if Emma stops there, so just shrugs off the memories that rush back too easily - the ones that say she still isn't enough.]
Eventually Henry showed up at my door and dragged me to Storybrooke. And then Mary Margaret gave me a place to stay, and you offered me a job. I wasn't used to people reaching out, but I didn't know how to turn away from it, either. I didn't want to go back to being on my own.
no subject
he's quiet as he listens, not looking her in the eye but focused on her words. the idea of not being wanted isn't so foreign to him, because he'd felt it before. in the midst of villagers when he tried to buy bread or have a drink or even find shelter, he'd never been particularly wanted by anything that walked on two legs. it hadn't bothered him as much as it could have when he had a pack of warm fur and cold noses to go back to that wanted him desperately, but that didn't much ease the sting of being turned away or sneered at. he can't imagine what it must have been like to have a family give her up, he was too young when he'd lost his, he doesn't even remember what having one had been like. he'd seen how it affected her, though, she carried it as obviously as the red leather jacket.
and he knows that when she'd taken the badge from him, she'd been toeing the line of letting herself be a part of something. she was, he could see it, he could tell, even if he hadn't gotten to be there when it happened. her hand is not so far away from his, and while he does tend to be cautious about touching people, it doesn't seem so terrible to reach out. wrapping his hand over hers, even for a moment. a reminder that she's not alone here, either, even if it's everything she's afraid of.
temporary. )
I'm sorry. ( it's a lacking word, but he's got to say it, even if it can't fill the gaps or soothe the sorrow. pack is his word for family, and he really and truly is glad that Emma has hers again, even if her past still complicates things. feeling unwanted stays with you, it'd made him angry instead of distant. he's glad that she's starting to learn differently without the extremes he'd needed. ) I know it's not easy, but remember you're not a lone wolf here, either. Who I used to be doesn't change how I feel about you now.
( and surely Emma can tell Graham is very much on the opposite side of the spectrum from the angry young man she'd met. he cares about her a great deal, probably more than she even knows. )
no subject
Emma used to have a friend who thought being a runaway was some big adventure, but it was never anything like that. It was scary for dozens of reasons, and upsetting for a few hundred more. Regina used to like to argue that her past was an indicator of who she is now, and no matter how much she changes, she still walks with the shadow of someone who's too afraid to hope for permanence.
She turns her hand over, lets their fingers lace together. It's not asking or expecting anything of him. Count the number of times they've touched under normal circumstances and she could probably fit them on one hand. It's not normal to be abandoned, they both learned that sooner than they would have liked to, but it's a part of their past. She can understand why he's so at home with animals, they took care of him when no one else would. That kind of connection must be powerful, but Emma's never felt it.]
Don't be. [Sorry, because that's not why she told him. People have felt sorry for her for as long as she can remember, she doesn't want to lump him with that. It's not until he continues that she can breathe again, the pad of her thumb stroking across his knuckle in a quiet gesture of gratitude. Wasn't she supposed to be the one making him feel better about this? He's the one carrying guilt for who he was, and that was never her intention in the first place.]
Are you inviting me into your wolfpack? [ She smiles playfully for a moment, then lets that comment settle into something a little more serious.] Good, because I like who you are now.
[She can handle rejection at the hands of his younger self. It's who he's become that she'd like to keep in her life.]
no subject
he smiles a little at the returned gesture, one that he actually feels instead of just a instinctive reaction he's hardly mindful of. he's glad that things between them haven't changed too drastically from where they'd been before. he was afraid of that, and perhaps he shouldn't have been. he would not make that mistake twice. )
Something like that, only I won't expect you to sleep in a pile or let my brother clean behind your ears. ( some parts of the pack weren't as enjoyable as others, honestly... though Graham is still fond of sleeping in a pile, actually. kinda sucks that his brother occasionally absconds to pile with Sunny instead!!! whatever happened to bros before hoes, man... brutal.
as for the compliment, the last she'd given him he knew little what to do with, and this one seems no different. he breathes a laugh, shaking his head. it's definitely a pace late when he answers with a limited, ) I'm glad. ( he'd prefer Emma like him over not, certainly. he just can't manage to actually like himself enough that the compliment makes any sense. he can't fathom being dreamy, and even worse, he can't quite understand why she likes him, either; especially knowing more about him over less. that's a heavy thought, and one that stays caged in his head. he'd rather she not change her mind, even if it's rather selfish of him. he squeezes her palm, a goodbye of sorts, if she can read the communication without any words. surely he's taken up enough of her time as it is. )
no subject
Hey, the pile has its perks. [ He never has to worry about getting cold or needing a blanket. The one time Brother dragged them into a pile, it wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to her. While Graham seems to expect that she would be uncomfortable with the routines he's established, Emma finds it easier to be a part of them than he tends to realize. It's how easily they work together that creeps up on her sometimes, when she's aware their differences could be more of an obstacle.
She nods, letting him stand before he does so that she can follow him to the door. Somehow she has a feeling that she isn't the only one he needs to see on his apology tour, and she won't keep him from that. They don't get a lot of downtime with this organization, he probably needs to take this as an opportunity to catch up while he still has one.]
I'll see you later. [ A promise, even without any agreed upon plans. If she doesn't seek him out and he doesn't seek her out, they still have two wolves who are impressively skilled in their persistence.]
no subject
it's true, and she's not. unfortunately it seemed the Huntsman had managed to ruffle quite a few feathers, and it was forcing the man he'd become to answer questions he hadn't anticipated answering. perhaps it wasn't a bad thing, to stop zealously holding his past to himself. like it or not, it was a part of him, and if he'd been honest about it? he might not have so many apologies to make. )
I'll see you later. ( it's an agreement, and he likes the reality of it. for however long yet that it will last. he's glad that Emma is here with him, though he knows that's a rather selfish thing to feel. it's not permanent, he knows that, but the idea that they still have time is still a reassuring one. he manages a glimmer of a smile before he slips away, off to the next person that got on the wrong side of his past. )